Tuesday, December 14, 2010

sometimes, you matter more than you think

chin up buttercup

a few nights ago, i decided to stalk a friend or follow or read or whatever you want to call it. i got to a few blogs where i knew exactly what this person was talking about. then, i found a post that could probably pinpoint the day we started talking.

a lot of the time, i think that people don't care what i say. that i'm nice to talk to in the moment but i'm not memorable, nor are my conversations. but people somehow manage to surprise me. sometimes, i matter and it shocks me. of course, it is nice to know that i do matter. it also made me realize that i ALWAYS need to watch what i say. no matter how mean, how angry, how nonchalant, how emotionless, or how much of an emotional wreck someone is, I need to always show compassion. at the very least, be myself. i find i can say some shockingly mean and hurtful things and i don't like it. every now and then, i look in the mirror and don't like what i see. i need to change that.

it's interesting to see how funny things can change your life. an all nighter with someone i thought was quiet now has me a friend who won't shut up. and he does exactly what i hate, which is challenge everything i say. do you believe in soulmates? why? what is love? how does society treat it? why does therapy matter? sure, ask someone that who thinks she wants to be a psychiatrist. he seriously had me thinking i didn't want to do it for life if i had someone talking to me like that day in and day out. i wanted to give up and not answer his questions, i was very frustrated. but he managed to get me to push through.

in the end, he said something along the lines of i think you've changed my life.

kinda profound. maybe psych can stay as a potential field!

i'm also shocked at how quick i am to trust people. i guess people never cease to amaze me.

thank you, olga korbut. you made me a new friend