mental health

poor demi lovato: Demi is bipolar, a former cutter and bulimic. i was so shocked to read that.

interestingly enough, we had a medical school symposium on mental health. we broke into small groups and talked about different things. surprising statistic: the mental health services at my school treats 50% of the medical school! i wish they had told us this statistic at the beginning of the year. not so we all drop out, but we so we all know that it's ok to struggle and to seek help!

i'm gonna try to stop being so reckless...

sometimes, you matter more than you think

chin up buttercup

a few nights ago, i decided to stalk a friend or follow or read or whatever you want to call it. i got to a few blogs where i knew exactly what this person was talking about. then, i found a post that could probably pinpoint the day we started talking.

a lot of the time, i think that people don't care what i say. that i'm nice to talk to in the moment but i'm not memorable, nor are my conversations. but people somehow manage to surprise me. sometimes, i matter and it shocks me. of course, it is nice to know that i do matter. it also made me realize that i ALWAYS need to watch what i say. no matter how mean, how angry, how nonchalant, how emotionless, or how much of an emotional wreck someone is, I need to always show compassion. at the very least, be myself. i find i can say some shockingly mean and hurtful things and i don't like it. every now and then, i look in the mirror and don't like what i see. i need to change that.


it's interesting to see how funny things can change your life. an all nighter with someone i thought was quiet now has me a friend who won't shut up. and he does exactly what i hate, which is challenge everything i say. do you believe in soulmates? why? what is love? how does society treat it? why does therapy matter? sure, ask someone that who thinks she wants to be a psychiatrist. he seriously had me thinking i didn't want to do it for life if i had someone talking to me like that day in and day out. i wanted to give up and not answer his questions, i was very frustrated. but he managed to get me to push through.

in the end, he said something along the lines of i think you've changed my life.

kinda profound. maybe psych can stay as a potential field!

i'm also shocked at how quick i am to trust people. i guess people never cease to amaze me.



thank you, olga korbut. you made me a new friend

dear body, don't settle

i've been working out, although not consistently, so i could be all "bikini ready"... in the fall/pre-winter. but my body/the scale is not cooperating. oh well. supposedly, charlie likes me for who i am. right? o__o

tonight was gymnastics and it was fun, of course. we worked on back handsprings (on mat with yuriy spotting us and on the tumble track) and front handsprings onto a mat. yuriy's ukranian! i'm glad i found out without having to ask him. he's a cool guy. he randomly did one of those handstand thingies that guys can do on the parallel bars and then decided to do a standing back tuck i think. jo ling's so graceful on her front handsprings and i think i just muscle them around. hmmm.. nastia/shawn anyone? hopefully i don't run like shawn! she then taught me the beam routine after i worked on my bars. i can do a pullover, cast, back hip circle. i worked on my single leg cut backward. it's crazy how fast you go. i can only imagine how the olympians feel, it must really feel like flying.

less than 2 weeks to hawaii! can't wait!!!!
and yet i'm scared at the same time, but life goes on.

off to study for finals

it's just those rainy days

one of my top 10 favorite songs of all time. i used to sing it when i had to swim the 200 fly... long course. that last lap, oh man! it's like the wall gets further and further away with each stroke!

It's just those rainy days
Spend a lifetime tryin to wash away
Until the sun come out and shines again
Smile for me, smile for me

All of those rainy days
Spend ya lifetime tryin to wash away
Until the sun shines and I see your face
Smile at me, smile at me

We were always livin so crazy and sexy and cool
And we began to love it
Watchin all of the heartache and pain of the world
And thinkin nothin of it
And baby I got love for you
And I know that you got me, baby
But everytime the sun shines bright
It gets so cloudy

Nobody loves the rain
Can't stand it
We know we've seen it before
Baby, handle it
Baby, what did we tell ya before
About chasin those waterfalls

Sometimes the rule don't mind the rain
It kinda feels like I'm drownin in the Lords pain
Until the sun comes out and shines again
Smile, and give me reason to keep believin
That everything ain't misleadin
And I, kiss the clouds on them rainy days
And, smile for you when ya skys are gray
Babe, cuz I'm a tear drop away from crying
And a few shots away from dying
Dear Lord, would you shower my pain
Let it rain, let it rain on me
While I cherish the air I breathe
I'm an angel, that can't soar, can't fly
And I, mastered it Lord knows why


I feel like an angel
With my broken wings
So I can soar again
Lord let me in
Baby through all the passion the pain and the hurt
I feel like I'm fallin, yeah
Makin clothes for all of those that
Spread love
And for those who can't take it
Stand up
Baby, we gonna make it
In the words of Marvin Gaye
War is not the answer

Til the sun shines
Just smile for me
Know in your heart, that we are free
Free to believe, whatever we feel
So feel somethin real, baby



i've decided that i want to go to haiti for the summer. it's not school-related, it's me related. i loved france so much and it was my first time out of the us (depending on whether or not you count puerto rico). i think i should go back. back to somewhere i've never been. who knows, maybe i'll find my long lost twin haha :)

another quiz weekend coming up. i can't focus long enough to study, i mean it is friday. i might go to jl's and get a bit of work done. i want to finish biochem and that last cto (aka histology) lecture so that tomorrow i have physio and anatomy to look over and then i can start actually studying and memorizing. it's funny how after more than 2 months i still don't have a study schedule down. oh well.

finals are coming up and the stress level is slowly rising, mine and my classes. it was bound to happen but i don't like it. i want one more post-quiz party. i want more good times BUT i also can't wait for thanksgiving break. it couldn't come soon enough. i'm getting so frustrated with my roller coaster of emotions, stress from this test, stress from finals, and just trying to stay positive. oy.

dear rollercoasters,
normally, i love you, but this roller coaster i want to get off of. please?
k. thx. bai!

honesty is the best policy

crazy how much gymnastics i post about. this is normal haha.

honesty is the best policy
"next time, dont do it down the middle" -j
"you look like a martian" - r

at least they were honest. i braided my hair down the middle and didn't like it but wore it to school anyway. guess i dont do well with things like that down my head haha

today, in on doc, we did the cardiac exam. i'm falling behind in my on doc work and i need to do it so i can be the ultimate doctor! jk. it's only fair to my patients that i know what i'm doing.

we did two things i'm self-conscious about. 1. people looking at my chest and touching my boobs. damian was playing around and practice on me but wouldn't let me practice on him. how rude! overall, it was fun. i think our on doc group is super close now. note to self - always bring sports bra to on doc! the 2nd thing was that i was made fun of for sweating (a lot). that's my other thing i'm self-conscious about - sweating. anything that makes me "excited" makes me sweat a lot - including laughing and i like laughing!! how frustrating :( so nick made fun of me for that and ppl were staring at my chest and i couldn't see what they were looking at. scary haha. or odd more than anything.

now i'm off to study and stay on top of everything. i don't want a repeat of last week/sunday/monday morning and i don't think i'll be entirely functional over the weekend. we'll see!

<3